I feel like a visitor in an amusement park, where the most peaceful ride is the roller coaster, and the rules are such that the end of one attraction is the beginning of another. I can hardly keep up with everything that’s happening to me. Life doesn’t give me a time-out, not even for a minute. But I know this is temporary. From one event that consumes my entire being, I find myself in another, equally expressive by nature.
What have I realized? I’ve realized that, in the end, you reach the place where you need to be. Even if you resist strongly at first and take detours, you’re still brought back to the beginning of the path you were trying to avoid. And there’s nothing you can do about it.
Sometimes, a person is given the right to choose – when, in the presence of options, they are uncertain about the future development of those options. And if the options are equal, something will happen to guide you to the direction that is best, even if you want to go in another direction. A subtle sense of the rightness of the chosen path is not always accessible, and even when the perception is sensitive to it, mistakes are still possible.
I sometimes think I made a mistake. Maybe I should have taken another path in the course of events. But I did only what I could. And, choosing the “detour” and returning to the starting point of the road, where I must choose again which way to go to reach the goal that my wrong choice did not lead me to, I realize that on that “wrong” path, I learned SOMETHING that was vital for me.
You told me two opposite things: “I sometimes did foolish things, stupid things, and I’m ashamed to remember them” and “you shouldn’t regret anything.” These don’t fit together. But you are right. We regret many things we’ve done, but we know we shouldn’t. It’s very hard not to regret mistakes we’ve made, but there’s one thing that can make it easy: the thought, “Everything that happens in my life is right.” Every new stage of development proves this to me.
That’s why “DON’T REGRET ANYTHING.”
One sage said, “Go your own way. Let people say whatever they want.” It’s difficult, but when you understand the necessity of it, there’s simply no other option.
I say all this because over the past six months, six months of divine love for a dazzling, rare, extraordinary person, I’ve made a million mistakes. I’ve suffered and been torn, I’ve been powerless, I’ve fallen to the depths and soared to the heavens, I’ve been happy as only a human can be, and I’ve come to the edge of despair. I’ve experienced everything that a lover can experience, in degrees I never had an idea of before. And I’ve come to the conclusion that all my never-ending roller coasters could have become a quiet sandy beach at calm, at the moment of a mesmerizing sunset, if only I had remembered one thing – all of this is because it’s meant to be. And it’s all right because “Everything that happens in my life is right.”
And now, my cabin slows down, I step out, and head towards the beach, where dunes and the eternal wind of sand meet. I need to hurry. The sunset is coming soon. I’ll sit on the shore and watch the Sun as it sinks into the water, as if dissolving into it.
But my love – all the love of my life will remain in my soul.