A wonderful life. Surrounded by wonderful people,
Playing fate like a movie, walking as it goes.
Some just wait for someone to love them,
Others love, but no one is waiting for them.
And we, among them, love someone like that,
Losing our peace, rushing at full speed.
But life is wonderful, and the people are wonderful,
With ice, and the red traffic light.
(Andrey Ippolitov)
At first, I thought that the film would have made an impression on me if the script had not been written by Krzysztof Kieslowski, if it had not been directed by Tom Tykwer, and if the heroine had not been played by Cate Blanchett. Then Xenie said that it’s a beautiful fairy tale. Then I remembered Risk’s words about not wanting to be open anymore, “because it’s useless to anyone.” I remembered the “promise” I made to myself not to love, but back then and even now, I understood and still understand that it’s laughable—to refuse to burn for the sake of rotting… Then I remembered Tom, who is “sure that no one can understand what he can give,” and then—myself, repeating that thought word for word. And again in my head, “because it’s useless to anyone.”
I can burn. I love. I cannot live without love. My love lifts me to the heavens (“Heavens”… Heaven…). It truly is heaven. For those who can understand it. For those who need it.
Is it really not needed by anyone? “Some are waiting for someone to love them,
Others love, but no one is waiting for them…”? We all seek love. We came from it. And we will go into it. But why, between these two events, do we seek it, but no one is capable of giving it? Or we give it, but no one takes it. I asked myself the question—who really needs it? Who needs our love? My love?
It is needed by our world – simply the world – it’s very needed. It is needed by me, myself. Desperately. It is needed by everyone I meet… Everyone. I don’t believe there are people who aren’t looking for love. Or they’re dead.
But will I be able to give all my love, the one I’m afraid to release from my long-frozen heart? Will I be able to give it to everyone in general and each person individually? I think, first, I must give it to myself. But how do I turn the love I am capable of onto myself? How do I not fall into idolization, how do I stay in that place of absolute and unconditional? But maybe I should try? After all, it’s no coincidence that this film was made and shown to me. I’m like a dragon guarding a huge cave full of treasures, treasures that would be enough to start a new Golden Age on Earth. Why am I holding all of this inside? I don’t want it to be wasted.
So, this is what I can’t seem to give…
On my way home, Indigo Girls were singing to me:
So we sit here in our storm and drink a toast
To the slim chance of love’s recovery.