December 21, 2017

To myself, so it doesn’t get lost.

In response to this.

I will agree and disagree with her. Because what does “make space” mean? We think in physical categories and apply this system of perception to a sphere that is nonlinear and not three-dimensional. The sphere of feelings, experiences, and personality is a tangled, multidimensional ball, and there is a fourth dimension of time, because our consciousness does not perceive life and ourselves in this life outside of time, constantly traveling into the past and the future, often avoiding the present.

So, “make space” is too primitive a description, but in general, if we take physical three-dimensional concepts, it might somewhat fit. However, what does it replace? All of what was listed – stop straining and start enjoying. Both of these can expand consciousness, giving it the ability to believe in more, in better, in greater possibilities. Is this not “making space”?

I believe that pain never goes away, it is always there – in the time when it was experienced. We simply relive it, constantly returning there in our thoughts, which is why there is “no space” for something new. Moreover, we also regularly shift responsibility for our present feelings to that past pain, blaming those who were somehow involved in causing it – this strengthens and amplifies the connection between the present and the past where it hurt.

It is impossible to “process” the past, past pain. You can, by returning to it, realize that it is in the past and has nothing to do with the present. If this is called “processing” and “letting go,” then yes. But nothing ever leaves forever; it doesn’t disappear.

It seems to me that one of the most serious mistakes therapists make is that they give us the grounds to believe that the goal is to be rid of it, that one day we’ll wake up, and poof—the pain will be gone! The thing is, this will never happen, just as it’s impossible to take a part of our history and remove it. You can pretend, but you can’t forget. You can block it, but it will always be there—at the level of neurons.

The essence is to reprogram your reaction to these neural connections. To change your attitude toward them. Even feeling and reliving this pain, even to the same degree as in the past, to realize that this is the past, that this is “phantom” pain, it has nothing to do with the present. This is the release. And it may never end. A person can return to the painful moment throughout their life if it is deep enough—and the release lies in realizing each time that it is in the past and not related to the present.

But, from my observations, the more a person realizes and consciously breaks the connection between past pain and their present, the less they need to return and relive that pain, the less they go there—and this could probably be called “letting go.”

You just need to understand that there won’t be a miracle. Nothing will ever go away forever. But you can move forward, stop traveling to the past. And, traveling, stop hurting about what happened then.

The rest (the first two points) is from the realm of beliefs. And here, I am convinced that a person always experiences most acutely and closely everything that matches and responds to their beliefs. Beliefs can be chosen, and you can learn to choose your beliefs. That’s all.

Our problem is that we build our beliefs on conclusions we made in the past when we experienced pain. Since we regularly strengthen the connection between the past and that pain with the present, our beliefs of the present seem not even to be ours, but rather those of the child we were in the past. That’s all. Once the connection (with a conscious approach) to that past pain begins to weaken, it becomes easier to shape new beliefs, with pearly buttons.