Stop carrying the longing for communication. I no longer speak of longing for closeness. Stop. That’s it. Forget it. There is no such thing as longing. And even though we all live in a world of people, it is completely normal to enjoy only your own company. Queen Elizabeth was married to England. And I will be married to myself. On the other hand, England is so big, and it has so many people. And I am so small. And I am alone with myself.
Sometimes, a thought crosses my mind: “What lesson am I supposed to learn here?” But then I stop and realize, “No lessons. I just wanted to be here.” I chose this myself. Of course, when you choose from a place of some kind of closeness, you don’t suspect that everything will turn out differently.
Yes, I am selfish. In that I value my peace more than what I consider to be an illusion of love, even if for the other person, that love is quite real and seemingly the only possible one. But if my heart is not singing, if my eyes don’t meet, if my hands don’t reach out to entwine, if our hearts don’t long to merge – that’s not love to me. Social games. They might be fun to play. But I think I’ve played enough. Or maybe not?
Am I really ready to give up my freedom and flight just to play these boring games again, where there are no winners? Freedom and flight. When was the last time I was in that state?
After all, I know that there is only one universal medicine – to accept everything as it is. Myself, as I am. My life – this one. In it, I can do anything. Sometimes I look back and marvel, remembering where I was even just three years ago. Five, ten… How much magic have I brought into this world – my world. How much more magic can I still create…
Accept and let go. Relax. And remember that this whole world fits into just a few of my cells. I create everything here. And I can create everything anew. The way I want and dream. After all, I have dreams. There is so much I love. And I want all of it around me.
And most importantly – closeness. Closeness of hearts. No, that’s not the most important thing. There is no “most important.” Or maybe the most important thing is everything. But it’s better not to create an imbalance. It just is – and that’s all.
Stop for a moment. Just feel yourself. Accept. And let go. And then get back to creating this world. I wonder, will seven days be enough?