I was very close with my mother, and her way of punishing me was always by ignoring me. For me, the most terrifying punishment was feeling disconnected from our bond, feeling that the closeness had been severed. I believe this is one of the worst things a parent can do to a child—punish them in this way.
In all the “reasonable” articles I read, they say that even if a child has misbehaved, it’s crucial to reassure them that, although their action was wrong, they are still loved, and the connection remains intact. But for me, any “wrongdoing” was equivalent to a complete rupture of connection and being thrown into the realm “beyond” closeness—where there is no one but me, no possibility of communication, no sense of belonging.
Because of this, a reverse relationship forms as well: wherever there is no sense of belonging, there arises a feeling of being guilty, of having done something wrong, of being bad.
Please, don’t do this to children—don’t let them feel rejected, don’t let them experience a total vacuum of communication. It is very, very painful, especially for deeply sensitive and highly emotional children (like I was).