I went to see Bohemian Rhapsody. Well, that’s what I thought I was going to see—until I arrived and realized the tickets were sold out. Out of all the options, only Aquaman was left, and even then, only the first two rows were available. But it was the evening before Christmas, and I was determined to go to the movies, so I decided to get a new experience—watching a film on a massive screen from the second row. I have to say, the feeling was quite something—I couldn’t even say for sure if it was Nicole Kidman, the image was so distorted. Plus, at 51, Kidman has unrealistically smooth and delicate skin! I don’t know how many special effects were involved, but she certainly looks great, though not like a twenty-year-old girl!
I probably regretted not waiting for a chance to watch the film without those image distortions. The movie is visually stunning, and the underwater special effects are flawless! And, of course, it’s probably best to watch it in 3D (if it’s available in 3D) because there’s a lot of underwater movement, and it really feels like you’re swimming. The underwater world of Atlantis is absolutely beautiful! The battles, as usual, didn’t really get me excited. The hero is not your typical rugged, unkempt, romantic macho man, and his red-haired sidekick girlfriend—both nice, but nothing particularly surprising. What really bothered me, though, was that the antagonist was African-American, and everyone else in the film was white. It really annoyed me. There weren’t any Asians in leading roles, and barely any in supporting roles.
I had a good laugh at the few Russian phrases. When will they stop translating using Google Translate? The Russian-speaking sailors in the submarine are told, “Hurry up.” A normal person would have said, “Faster” or something similar, not “Hurry up,” as if trying to sound fancy. And if we’re being honest, they should’ve said “Hurry up, please.” But, in context, the word choice was off. What would it have cost them to pay $50 to a proper translator?
I got irritated a second time in the movie, as always, when they show the advancing force of nature and the heroes running away from it. The heroes, as always, flee at the maximum speed their method of travel allows, and the force of nature, as always, hesitates, like it’s waiting for them to get a bit further ahead, almost as if it’s saying, “This is a movie, so I won’t rush to attack them, I’ll let them run away for a bit, make the audience nervous, and then I’ll strike.” But by the time the heroes get to safety, or the opposite happens. Those who watched Geostorm remember how the Brazilian girl was fleeing from the massive wave. She’s running with all her might, and the wave is just creeping up and waiting, standing still like a wall—waves don’t behave that way. Water doesn’t run slower than the fastest Brazilian girls. It just doesn’t happen. This really annoyed me in Geostorm. It was pure fantasy, but when these kinds of things happen (intentional for beauty, but incredibly dumb), it stops being sci-fi. The same thing happens in Aquaman—the car is driving, and the wave just sneaks up and waits until the car is far enough ahead. Again, it’s fantasy, but the beauty of fantasy is that while it breaks certain physical laws, others should be adhered to strictly.
Other than that, pretty much everything in the film is flawless and very, very beautiful. Of course, one watch is enough. But it’s worth seeing at least once. Just not from the second row.
And here’s a young Jason Momoa, the handsome hero, for you.
