Dream – January 22, 2012
I dreamed that in this normal and familiar reality of mine, I was dreaming about different events in my life, all of them having a recurring theme: I kept coming home, and there were strangers in my apartment – sometimes a witty girl, sometimes a smart, odd nerd, sometimes a kind and handsome scientist, or all of them together. I kept trying to kick them out, but they wouldn’t leave, and I had no control over them. So, one time I came home in one of the dreams within another dream, and they were there, those bastards. All three of them. I got really angry, shouted, “Get out!” But they sat there quietly, looking at me as though I didn’t understand something. Well, then I gathered myself and left.
They tried to stop me, ran after me, and I heard them whispering behind my back: “That’s so right!” – “Yeah!” – “And so wrong, too!” – right as I was running out of the entrance and suddenly woke up, but in that second-level dream, while still asleep on the first level. So, I woke up, lying on my bed in a large, bright room, and one of the women from the dream – the ones who had occupied my apartment and ran after me – and another one, both in white coats, entered the room. And it dawned on me that the usual reality I see dreams in is nothing but ordinary schizophrenia. In reality, I was lying in a psychiatric hospital, and they were trying to cure me from the fragmentation of my personality. The three people in my house were all me.
As soon as I realized this, I decided to tell them about it, but then thought that I preferred being in my “familiar” reality (the one I really live in outside any dreams) and though I understood I was schizophrenic, I would tell them everything but ask to be connected back to this reality (yes, The Matrix) so I wouldn’t remember the psychiatric hospital – I’d rather not know.
And as soon as I said “I’ve got it!” – I woke up in the first level of sleep, in my familiar reality. Now I wonder – am I real, or am I just a schizophrenic dream of Natasha, lying in a psychiatric hospital? What a strange thing to dream on my birthday.
I decided to write a book about it because in my “familiar reality,” the sacred phrase “Be in the now” has a deep philosophical meaning, while in the schizophrenic one, it’s just the doctor’s advice not to overthink things. “Be in the moment!” – he says, claiming it’s easier to live that way, especially with so many realities like those in my head.
Honestly, when I woke up, I was a bit scared, because it’s impossible to tell which reality is real. Sometimes dreams feel so real that when you wake up, it’s hard to believe it was just a dream…
Dreams – February 2, 2012
I’ve been having very strange dreams lately. First of all, in the past few days, I’ve been sleeping a lot. For me, it’s an unnatural amount – I don’t know why. Sometimes (almost like in Jose Silva’s technique), I wake up in the middle of the night and create something in alpha waves. Usually, it’s sending love and balancing energy.
Today’s dreams were so strange that even describing them feels strange. We were sitting, like people do on the beach, but instead, we were in front of two pits where food and some other things were stored. Around us were little piles of poop, which is actually a good sign in dreams. Then it started raining, we took the food from the pits, filled the pits back up, and left.
In another part of the dream, I was 11 (or 12) years old, my parents weren’t around, and I lived in some really cool student dorm, and no one suspected that I was so young. I looked about 20. My ex-boyfriend Adam was there, the one who hadn’t married Angela yet but had just proposed to her (in real life, they’ve been married for several years), and he was following me around like he now wanted to marry me.
I dreamed of B., with whom I talked about loyalty and closeness… He was much wiser and more open to me in the dream than in real life. But that was thanks to the alpha waves. 🙂
I dreamed of moving furniture into a house where we were supposed to do some kind of shoot or display, then taking that furniture back to my house. I was picking up some matting, which was just lying around for free, and tracing paper. My favorite dream pattern: pulling unexpected treasures out of a mailbox.
In the dorm, they finally realized I was underage and started wondering what to do with me. Clive Owen wanted to protect me from Nazis, but they ran out of weapons. Then he noticed a gun in my bag, took it out, and ran to protect me, but it turned out the Nazis were just playing war – they were actually just German pioneers. Clive never got to shoot.