I read some thoughts by the young Tolstoy – “everything promised to oneself must be done, no matter the cost.” I think that if you take this rule as the foundation of your own morality, you can go really far. It’s not even about the fact that if you keep all the promises you make to yourself, you can achieve much more… The real point is that when you know you’re doing everything you promised to yourself, your self-esteem rises to the sky. You respect yourself much more this way, and you begin to understand your own value and importance to this world much more clearly.
This is especially true for those who were raised with morals like “good-bad,” “worthy-unworthy.” For me personally, it’s tragic not to keep promises: I immediately become “lost to society forever” in my own eyes… It’s very difficult to climb out of that place afterward. Promises made to others are usually kept (even if imperfectly)… But promises made to oneself are known only to us, and when we break them, we’re making a small deal with our conscience each time.
And when this happens regularly and becomes a habit, we subconsciously start judging ourselves and perceiving ourselves as bad and unworthy… How can there be success, joy, or love in such a state… just surviving becomes the goal.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. The key is to catch yourself at the moment when you notice this pattern and trace it back to where the break happened. And then figure it out. Either accept it or correct what was done or not done. And keep going. Otherwise, there’s no other way.