First of all, it’s important to reset. I mean, completely. To the point where you realize that often, the boss’s criticism is manipulation. I believe that subordinates (and really, no one) should be scolded, especially not every day – it only makes them work worse. Anyone who doesn’t understand this is a bad manager. But, of course, this isn’t about others. It’s about the fact that if you don’t filter out this scolding, it means there’s something in you that resonates with it, and that’s why the criticism sticks to you. Completely block it out. No criticism should be listened to without blocking it.
What does blocking mean? It’s about listening to the scolding from a distance. You can’t allow yourself to be caught off guard and scolded unexpectedly. Try to take at least a minute’s pause before the scolding begins, even if the person has already started speaking. You can interrupt and say, “One moment,” and write something down, for example, in a notebook to show that you didn’t just interrupt without reason. Then, gather yourself and let the person speak (when they calm down a little, because, as I understand, they scold in the heat of the moment). Listen as if it’s not even about you and the person is someone you don’t know. Listen carefully, and translate “you” to “she” during the scolding. When the scolding ends, analyze the constructive feedback in it.
If there was any constructive feedback (usually, there are at least a few drops of it in any scolding), there’s a great technique called “for understanding” – when, after the person speaks, you repeat the main points of what they said, as if you’re clarifying. “I understand you correctly, you’re saying there were mistakes here and there?” If the answer is yes, you just provide a solution. You might say something like, “Thank you for the information, I’ll provide a plan today on how we can fix this.” The point is not just to brush it off (because then you really lose ground), but to not only stay on the same level as the person scolding you but to also lead the conversation. When you start asking questions, you take on the leading role. Ask questions, and they will answer, losing some of the “power” they have during the scolding. This keeps you at their level. When you suggest improvement plans, you remain the leader, but you also leave them with the feeling that they’re guiding the process. This is a very effective psychological technique, and it helps you move forward, unlike situations where you’re just being scolded, which leads nowhere and only to more complex issues.