Last night before bed, I looked inside myself to understand the confusion and doubt that had spread there. I asked myself, “What do I want?” And I received an answer. Then I said to myself, “Since I want this, it should already be this way. So why isn’t it?” And I explained to myself, “Something inside me is blocking it. It says that I’m not worthy of it.” What part of me is dissatisfied and believes I am unworthy? And I found it inside. It stood there, gray, slightly leaning against the wall, looking at me sideways, angry and negative.
I asked it, “Why do you think I am unworthy?” It replied, “I want to punish you.” “Why do you want to punish me?” I asked. “Because you are guilty,” it responded. “What makes you think I’m guilty?” I asked my inner executioner. “That!” it replied, pointing at something standing next to it. The Something was very offended, miserable, and scared. I asked the Something, “Who are you?” The Something replied, “I am the Guilty One.” “Why do you think you are the Guilty One?” I asked kindly. “Because I am unattractive, foolish, ugly, clumsy, and useless, I’ve done many wrong things in my life,” the Guilty One replied, crying.
Then I comforted it, saying that everyone makes mistakes in this life, that there is no perfection on Earth, that people are alive and do the best they can. And that it didn’t want to do anything wrong, it just happened that way. The Guilty One thought. Then it thought again. And again. It turned out it wasn’t so foolish because it soon realized that there was nothing it had done wrong that actually made it guilty. Then I told it that I forgave it for everything it had done wrong. And that the world also forgave it. The Guilty One smiled and seemed to calm down.
However, it remained in its place, and doubt was visible in its eyes. So I asked, “What would you like so that you would never feel guilty again?” – and I generously spread my arms, signaling that I had everything. “I want wings, then I can fly away.” – And I gave it wings. Beautiful white wings, like an angel’s. The Guilty One smiled, put on the wings, and instantly soared into the sky. I asked, “What should I do if you want to return or if others, new ones, come in your place?” “Give us new wings,” its departing voice echoed from the sky.
I turned to the Something. The watching Gray seemed completely calm, even as if it were smiling with the shadow of a smile. It seemed to be dreaming or thinking about something. I asked it, “Do you still need to stay with me?” The Gray replied, “Yes. After all, I protect you from your own foolishness. If I leave, you could make many rash decisions.” And I asked, “Can you trust me? I promise I will be wise.” The Gray looked at me and nodded.