When we talk about raising children, we are really talking about building societies. Cultures shape parenting as much as parenting shapes cultures. In comparing Russian and American approaches to raising children, it’s not about deciding which one is “better” — it’s about understanding the values, histories, and assumptions that breathe life into each style. In this reflection, I want to share my observations, having lived in both worlds, to invite a deeper conversation about what we prioritize, what we overlook, and what that says about us as people.
- Family values.
I’ve visited various states and lived in a few. I don’t have a clear opinion that family is highly valued in the U.S., or at least more so than in Russia. Quite the opposite.
Family Day exists precisely to compensate for the idea that family is valued — because the rest of the time, everyone is on their own.
That’s why they need a special day to gather and see each other.
In Russia, for example, relatives are in much more constant contact, and they don’t need special days, because everyone already knows what’s going on with each other.
But once children grow up here [in the U.S.], parents, for the most part, just stop caring. With rare exceptions, they won’t help or support you.
The entire culture here is built on positivity.
If you’re a loser, people — including your parents — will distance themselves. At best, if you have nowhere to live, they might give you a garage or your old bedroom, but even then you’ll have to pay rent.
Or maybe they’ll take your child in, but you — go sleep wherever you can.
In Russia, that’s unthinkable: the family will support you until your last days, and they won’t ask a penny for it.
Of course, there are exceptions everywhere — but overall, I see Russian families as far more tight-knit and supportive.
In this regard, Russia is much closer to Mexico, and the U.S. is a completely different world.
As for the number of children, yes, more kids are born here, but that’s simply because people have more means.
In Russia, even two children can mean there’s literally no place to sleep.
And yes, there are a ton of single-parent families here.
The difference is probably that men are more involved in their kids’ lives after divorce — but that’s because Russia is, generally speaking, a much more misogynistic country.
- Rules of etiquette.
Americans are a smiling, friendly nation — not because everyone is so happy.
One psychologist who visited the U.S. put it perfectly:
Here, everyone smiles to signal that everything is okay, that no one will attack you.
It’s purely cultural.
In Russia, you don’t have to smile at strangers to know they’re not going to pull out a gun and shoot you.
In the U.S., even 100 years ago, that was a real possibility.
I think that’s where the habit of smiling came from — to let people know you weren’t a threat.
In America, most smiles are fake, except the ones from people you personally know.
In Russia, smiles are sincere.
And here, kids learn hypocrisy from childhood:
They feel bad — they smile.
They’re angry — they smile.
Where do you think all the psychologists and psychiatrists per capita come from in the U.S.?
Here, people smile even when they should cry and let out their pain and sadness.
No — they must smile. That’s the culture.
Don’t be fooled by American smiles; they don’t mean people are happy to see you.
They just mean they’re not planning to hit you (and even that’s not guaranteed) or that they’re fulfilling a cultural formality.
You can’t show negativity here — otherwise you’ll be left completely alone and without any opportunities.
As for tolerance — I laughed out loud.
Tolerance in a country where Black people are still being killed in the streets just because they’re Black, including by police?
What tolerance are we talking about? Whoever wrote that clearly knows nothing about the U.S.
There’s deep class injustice, racism, chauvinism, and all of it is ingrained from childhood — because different social classes go to different schools, and races try to stick to their own.
There’s no real tolerance here.
And swearing is a full part of the language — it’s not censored out of literature or movies like it is in Russia.
If there’s any appearance of tolerance, it’s only because people can be sued for lots of money.
But when it comes to certain races or groups — like overweight people — it’s not just intolerance but real bullying.
- Remarks.
Oh, please — if a child breaks the law, they’ll get slammed hard. Because otherwise, it’s too expensive not to.
In Russia, yes, parents are rougher with kids, but often that builds resilience and helps kids develop more easily.
I’m not talking about real criminal abuse — there’s plenty of that in the U.S. too, especially in small provincial towns where population density is low.
American kids you have to yell at grow up with zero respect.
And this whole idea that nobody tells kids “no” here is nonsense.
I’ve seen it plenty — especially in lower-income classes:
Parents yell at kids, kids scream back, parents either don’t care or yell even louder.
And they absolutely reprimand them.
The author must have seen one apathetic mom whose kid was licking a handrail — that’s not the norm.
That’s just a random case.
- Independence.
American kids are taught independence from a very young age.
This is true — but not because it’s a noble goal.
It’s because parents don’t want to pay for their kids once they’re legally allowed to stop — after 18.
Many parents just kick their kids out at 18:
You’re an adult now, figure it out.
This, again, ties into family values.
Yes, it forces American kids to take responsibility earlier — which is better than leeching off your parents forever.
But it’s also why a lot of teenagers from poor families turn into criminals — because they have no education or resources.
The prisons here are overflowing.
There are tons of private prisons — it’s a very profitable business.
- Sense of responsibility.
American kids are taught from an early age to take responsibility for their actions — again, because it’s too costly if they don’t.
Of course they’ll be punished, and hard.
- Nutrition.
It depends on the family.
But for many low-income families, fast food is simply the cheapest option — especially if parents are working multiple jobs.
It’s cheaper to buy a hamburger for a dollar and a Twinkie than to cook a real meal.
The whole culture here is built around fast, cheap eating — you can smell deep-fried oil literally everywhere.
In Russia, the food culture is much healthier.
Eating that kind of junk regularly is unthinkable there — it’s a rare, occasional snack, not a norm.
- Clothing.
In the U.S., parents don’t bundle up kids even if it’s windy —
An American mom will leave the hat at home.
Again, it depends on the family — but remember, most of the U.S. is much warmer than Russia.
Even in northern states like Wisconsin, winters are milder than Moscow.
Why bundle up when it rarely drops below freezing?
- Bathing rules.
In the U.S., kids supposedly bathe once or twice a week — that’s nonsense.
Maybe it refers to very young children?
Here, there’s a CULT of cleanliness.
If you smell bad, you’re done. You’re an outcast.
People here sometimes shower twice a day and brush their teeth three or four times — after every meal.
The U.S. is probably the most hygiene-obsessed country in the world.
- Leaving kids alone or with grandparents.
In Russia, it’s normal to leave kids with grandparents — and once they’re school-aged, kids can often stay home alone.
And who’s talking about American children’s independence?
Russian kids are often way more independent —
They’re just not pushed early into full self-sufficiency because it’s often physically impossible:
You can’t immediately earn enough to live on your own.
That’s why Russian kids sometimes stay with their parents into adulthood.
American parents, meanwhile, often can’t wait to kick their kids out and live for themselves.
And yes, here it’s less common for grandparents to raise kids — they also want to live for themselves.
But when needed, they absolutely do babysit.
When there’s no family support and no money for babysitters, you just take your kids everywhere with you.
Where else would you leave them?
- Corporal punishment.
This one’s complicated.
Because I’ve heard wild stories in Russia — like a neighbor reporting a parent, and the child being taken away without trial, without evidence.
In the U.S., it’s a bit more honest — but yes, if a child is being beaten, they’ll be protected.
Verbal abuse is harder to prove though — that’s a different matter.
Every culture teaches its children what it believes about the world. What we praise, what we tolerate, what we neglect — all of it weaves into the next generation’s sense of self and society. By looking honestly at the differences between Russian and American upbringing, we aren’t just comparing habits; we are revealing deeper truths about what we value. And perhaps, through this awareness, we can make more intentional choices about the kind of future we want to create, one child — and one act of love — at a time.