As soon as the thought about the significance of self-perception in any aspect of human life finally reached me (and I can say it crawled to me, because it took so many years), I began to hear about it on every corner. I mostly encounter these corners at work, listening to a series of audio files that come for free with a subscription to Success magazine, which I recently subscribed to. I must say, if you’re in the States and can read in English, this is probably the only magazine I would recommend everyone read without exception. Because damn! It really moves people. Even one article can turn any mind toward progress, and those who are already developing will be lifted and propelled even faster. I highly recommend it, even though this post isn’t sponsored, and, as they say, it’s totally genuine.
Today, I listened to an interview with John Maxwell, an American pillar of leadership science. Any of his interviews or recordings are like a handful of gold. I believe one of his books on leadership is aptly called The Gold of Leadership. I have it, of course, as always, started but not finished. I really need to sit down and read them; I bought quite a few last year. Today in the interview, he mentioned that if self-perception (self-image) matters in every area of human life, in the area of relationships with others, it plays a key role. Moreover, a person will have relationships with others that reflect how they perceive themselves. That’s why it’s so important to work on self-perception and have a healthy, progressive view of oneself.
We’ve all heard “you must love yourself.” But very few of us understand what that actually means… Most often, people think this is about “thinking about yourself.” Of course, you should think about yourself, but not only about yourself. It’s just that, in thinking about others, you shouldn’t forget about yourself. You shouldn’t push your own interests aside, or push yourself aside… Loving yourself does not mean pampering yourself and indulging in every way. However, of course, in self-love, pampering and indulgence are included, but that’s not the only or the most important thing… Loving yourself doesn’t mean admiring yourself, thinking of yourself as the most beautiful, the smartest, the most irresistible, and so on… Moreover, “over” perception is no better than “under” perception, and in the end, it’s a false path to self-acceptance. It’s the opposite – when this feeling comes, the love for oneself, the question of whether you are the most beautiful or the smartest simply won’t matter. These categories will no longer be important.
Yes, self-love is acceptance. But it’s not about accepting your flaws, crooked or thick legs, or anything else that prevents us from seeing ourselves as the most beautiful or the smartest… Accepting yourself, loving yourself, is, strangely enough, very simple. It’s not about building mental constructs where our brain is convinced we deserve love. It’s the absence of non-acceptance – the absence of constructs that prove we are unworthy. And that’s it.
Trying to prove to ourselves that we deserve love, happiness, or all the best things, especially when there are counter-arguments in our mind, particularly unconscious counter-arguments, so-called “blind spots” (black holes) in our self-perception, won’t lead anywhere. They’ll just keep hitting the “unworthy” wall. The most frustrating thing is that the more we try to argue why we deserve love with any amount of evidence, the “unworthy” Himalayas will only grow stronger. Until, one fine day, we realize that “there’s no water, there’s no moon,” and that “the goose is free.” It’s all in our heads. There are no Himalayas. And there’s no “unworthy” either.
Any “unworthy” is a virtual construct, like “your bicycle won’t ride”—when instead of getting on and riding, we cry and scream in frustration, no longer believing ourselves: “it’ll ride, it’ll ride!” Any “unworthy,” no matter how many arguments, proofs, or facts, even if they’re documented on paper and branded with a stamp on your bottom, is just our own decision to tell ourselves “I’m unworthy.” Therefore, all we need to do to free ourselves once and for all is to understand that the concept of “unworthy” is as unreal as “worthy,” and just like everything our brain has created as “objective” (ugh) reality, which, of course, can only be subjective.
Unfortunately, people often only reach maturity, and finally, after learning to hear the clap of one hand, are able to figure out what self-perception really is. But once they figure it out, they suddenly see how easy and simple it is. And how foolish they were to keep themselves trapped in their own butt of their own self-perception for so long.