Oh, how difficult life has become for the inhabitants of planet Earth!
Stress, social activity, personal growth issues, concern over political tension – it seems like everything is against normal, peaceful relationships between men and women right now. Psychologists and sexologists are sounding the alarm: there is a slight but alarming decline in libido in the personal and family lives of the majority of the planet’s population. And in some cases, libido disappears altogether. And it’s frightening not so much because of a demographic crisis, but because of mass crises of the soul.
Now, for a mature person for whom the forbidden fruit has become a daily dish for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, something extraordinary is sometimes needed to satisfy sexual gourmet desires and return to the time when passion bubbled like Niagara Falls. It’s no secret now that among other means for “restoring youthful ardor” or, in other words, increasing potency and treating frigidity, aphrodisiacs are particularly popular.
DOCTOR PRESCRIBED PASSION
Aphrodisiacs, like many progressive means and methods of dealing with various problems, have gained wide popularity primarily, as usual, in the United States. Last year, more than 300,000 officially registered prescriptions were issued in America for the purchase of drugs for impotence and to increase sexual desire. Pedantic Germans calculated that more than 17 million marks were spent in their pharmacies to combat sexual apathy. And no one will count how many stimulants were bought from Turkish street vendors and Albanian pimps. Among such remedies, there are blatant counterfeits and “deceptions,” but there are also effective substances that act no less than the second glass of vodka.
Nowadays, many sprays, ointments, powders, tablets, diets, and exercises (!!!) of an erotic nature are actively used. Most drugs stimulate the formation of two hormones in the blood: serotonin and dopamine. The first promotes passive “female sexuality,” which is defined by the word “surrender.” The second hormone develops dominant, male sexuality, which more closely corresponds to the word “take.”
However, there are natural ways to obtain these two hormones: to increase serotonin levels, you need to eat more flour and vegetables, and dopamine is more abundant in those who consume meat, cheese, and peanuts. However, all this is very conditional because regular overeating of cheese and peanuts is unlikely to make you more sexual (“it would be nice though”). Rather, gluttony will lead to the opposite result. You need to know the measure in everything…
SPICY LOVE
Many believe, not without reason, that red pepper has an exciting effect because it enhances blood circulation and thereby contributes to increased potency. In Eastern cuisine, the love menu included spices such as cinnamon and nutmeg. It is said that echinacea powder and mandrake flower are very helpful. However, personally, I do not know what it is. Some studies have shown that before making love, the Aztecs took a herbal decoction with mint and cocoa. (I don’t understand, and why do we drink coffee in the morning after, not before…) By the way, recent studies show that it is cocoa that contributes to the necessary stimulation of the nervous system, thanks to its high caffeine and theobromine content (these substances provoke the release of that same serotonin into the blood). Just please: don’t drink cocoa before work!
In one Italian town, there is a restaurant that specializes in stimulating cuisine. For example, order a steak with blood seasoned with ginseng root, for a side dish, you can eat corn with dandelion salad, for dessert, a custard with nutmeg, covered in chocolate, will be perfect – and the evening will definitely be a success! At least, that’s what the locals say.
But the praised oysters as an aphrodisiac did not receive the popularity they were predicted. Zinc, which they contain, certainly improves sperm quality, but temperament does not change from them. But two seemingly non-sexual products – corn porridge and garlic – turned out to be very effective: white rats receiving these products regularly showed the highest sexual prowess. As for the elderly, researchers believe that an extract from chicken eggs should work well.
TIGER ENERGY…
Well, we’ve figured out the food. But when it comes to the night, you want something thoroughly effective so as not to fail… well, at least in the dirt. And here begins the kingdom of exoticism: straight from the banks of the Amazon, dried leaves of muira puama are brought to us, from Mexico – damiana; from Central Africa – the root of tabernanthe. Some doctors believe that almost all of these drugs have a strongly tonic general effect.
But the latest Thai innovation – “Tiger Wine” (bones of unhappy striped mustaches are crushed, and the resulting powder with a dye and alcohol is beaten to the state of emulsion) – is absolutely useless. So there’s no need to kill poor animals. The powder from the rhino horn and dried genital organs of sea lions did not justify themselves either. Although some experts believe that suggestion is a great thing!
The famous “Spanish flies” should not be taken internally because they are very toxic. They irritate the mucous membrane, which can contribute to mechanical erection, but they can burn you to ashes, leaving a pile of ashes. Doesn’t sound good? For special aesthetes, there is a more environmentally friendly replacement – Indian ointment “malla taila.” It is made from vegetable oils, saffron, sesame, and lime bark, but sexologists don’t trust chemistry and biology very much.
And anyway, if you are no longer excited by your partner, you need to either figure yourself out or with your partner. Maybe you’re just tired, or maybe it’s time to change partners… In general, if it’s love, everything will work out, and if there is no love, why waste time?
Originally published in Chief Accountant Club
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